Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
