Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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