I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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