it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
