but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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