Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it because I queefed?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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