Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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