Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
