So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
