hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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