you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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