I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
