I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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