Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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