Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Randomize
