i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
