My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
