its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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