Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize
