Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You took a bar mat shot.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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