I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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