I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
