He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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