Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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