No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
