pop tarts are not kleenex
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
