Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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