"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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