is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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