It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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