I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
