I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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