Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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