Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
