I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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