I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Randomize
