She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
