Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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