That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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