Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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