i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
