my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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