So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
