My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
