is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
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