If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
