I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
