Apparently you make a good broom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
