What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
