My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
