i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Randomize
