wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
