How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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